In the cozy neighborhood of Sydhavnen, Copenhagen, we sit down with Marie, a 33-year-old mother of two, partner to Michael, and a project manager at Infuturum. Her story offers a candid look at her breastfeeding journey, revealing the contrasting experiences with her two daughters, Helga and Paula.
Q: Can you start by telling us a little bit about yourself?
Marie: I’m Marie, 33 years old, mother to Helga and Paula, and partner to Michael. We live in Sydhavnen, and when I’m not on maternity leave, I work as a project manager at Infuturum. I focus on sustainability and social justice within the arts and culture sector. I’m originally from Central Jutland but have called Copenhagen home for some time now.
Q: Can you share your breastfeeding experience with Helga and Paula? How has it been different with each child?
Marie: My experiences with Helga and Paula couldn’t be more different. Helga, who’s now four, had a rough start. She had a condition that made her not feel hunger naturally, so I had to feed her every three hours around the clock to trigger a hunger response. It was incredibly stressful—imagine sitting on a Pilates ball, trying every trick in the book, just to get her to nurse. It was exhausting but gave me some sense of control.
With Paula, it’s been the opposite. She’s a natural feeder and lets me know when she’s hungry. My milk came in really strong this time, which was a bit overwhelming at first, but she has a great latch and feeds quickly. It’s been a huge relief to have a more straightforward experience this time around.
Q: What are your thoughts about returning to work while still breastfeeding?
Marie: I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I’m looking forward to getting back to work, but on the other, I’m worried about how breastfeeding will fit into our routine. With Helga, I breastfed for nine months until she weaned herself. Paula is only six and a half months old when I return to work, and I still want to continue breastfeeding as long as possible. We’re considering different options—like breastfeeding in the mornings and evenings or pumping during the day so Michael can feed her.
But what I’m really excited about is Michael taking a significant portion of the parental leave this time. He’s taking four months off, which will be a completely new experience for him. He’s never had that much solo time with the kids, and I think it will be eye-opening. I want him to understand the full weight of what it takes to manage everything during the day. It’ll be a big shift for us, but I’m really curious to see how it goes.
Q: In which situations has breastfeeding been challenging?
Marie: Even with Paula, there were days when my milk flow was overwhelming. It took weeks for my supply to balance out. I learned to manage it by using a manual breast pump to relieve the pressure before feeding. It made breastfeeding more comfortable for both of us, but it also extended the period of heavy milk flow.
Sometimes Paula gets restless in the evenings and needs Michael to hold her legs while she feeds. It helps her focus. But honestly, breastfeeding isn’t always the calm, idyllic scene we often imagine. I can’t just sit on the sofa and relax while she eats—she prefers when I’m standing. I have no idea why!
Q: What happens if you sit down?
Marie: She gets fidgety, pulls off, and latches back on repeatedly. But when I stand, it’s like she’s fully ready to nurse. It’s funny, but it’s also far from that romantic image of peaceful, easy breastfeeding. I talked to our nurse about this, and she was great at reminding me that this picture-perfect idea of breastfeeding is mostly an illusion. Few women have a completely unproblematic experience.
Feeding your child is such a fundamental thing. The moment it becomes challenging, alarms go off in your head. Am I missing something? Am I doing this right? Breastfeeding can be a direct path to self-criticism.
Q: How does it feel, knowing these struggles are something only you, and not your partner, have to deal with?
Marie: It’s tough. There have been several days where getting Paula to settle and nurse felt like a never-ending crisis. Michael would come in and ask, “Has she latched yet?” And I’d just be at my wit’s end. He offers well-meaning suggestions, but sometimes I think, “You have no idea what this is like.” He’s supportive, but he’s also on the sidelines. I’m the one who’s tethered to her 24/7.
Michael can go out for an evening with friends or spend a day away, but I don’t have that same freedom. When I had mastitis with Helga, I was hit with fever and hormonal sadness, but I couldn’t just check out—I still had to be there, caring for our baby.
Q: What’s your best advice for a breastfeeding mom-to-be?
Marie: First, let go of the romanticized idea of perfect breastfeeding. It doesn’t really exist. With Helga, I often had to retreat to a quiet room to nurse, not because I was embarrassed, but because we needed peace. That’s just how it worked for us. I used to think I should be able to breastfeed anywhere, but that wasn’t our reality.
Every child is different, and your experience will be unique. The key is to find what works for you and your baby, even if it doesn’t fit the idyllic picture you had in mind.