In the heart of Frederiksberg, we sit down with Tim Hoang Ostadian-Lam and Delaram Ostadian-Lam in their cozy flat. Tim, 31, is an active corporate real estate advisor with a background in finance, having started his work life early and with a practical mindset and Delaram, 32, is a public service lawyer. Their nine-month-old daughter, Amaya, plays on the floor, her irresistible charm and laughter filling the room. Today is Tim’s paternity leave day, and the atmosphere is a blend of serene domesticity and the anticipation of an upcoming trip to Italy.
We settle in for a conversation about their fight for natural breastfeeding, a topic that has been central to their parenting philosophy and daily lives in the last many months.
Q: We are so incredibly happy that you wanted to be part of our first campaign. It’s a fairly intimate topic, out of curiosity, how come you said yes?
Tim: I was really curious about the bottle - it sounded very unique and different to anything else we had tried. And to be honest, we’ve really done our research because we really had to. So being part of shedding light on this conversation is important to us as many others might be going through similar experiences.
Q: I figure it wasn't a walk in the park for you then – how has your breastfeeding experience been?
Delaram: It's funny —I kind of just thought it would work naturally. I prepared so much for birth, taking two different courses, but with breastfeeding, I hadn't even considered preparing for it. It's natural, I thought. But then I discovered that so many struggle to breastfeed. I didn't know you could prepare for that chapter, so right after the birth, I had no clue what to do. Amaya luckily did and latched, but it was very painful for me, and I had a very hard time with it. There are so many who don’t succeed, and I really get it. It was a huge struggle for me. I didn’t feel that I had much knowledge about different positions or what to do when it was difficult and painful.
Tim: Yeah, we spent so much time prepping for the birth but hadn't researched anything about the next steps. We felt we were ready, and it went fine at the hospital, but when we came home, we struggled a lot. It was really tough because obviously Amaya was fully dependent on breastfeeding, but I could see that Delaram was in so much pain.
Delaram: We spent a lot of money and tried everything we could. Fighting to keep the natural breastfeeding through pain was emotionally and physically tough for me.
Q: How did you cope in this difficult situation?
Delaram: We had a breastfeeding counslor to support us—two different ones, actually—and then we supplemented the breast with a bottle. But she drank it so quickly, and she wasn't fully satisfied. It’s not just about food - she didn't get the intimacy she craved, particularly at night. So I quickly started breastfeeding again at night, but it was extremely painful for me.
Tim: I was the primary bottle giver to help her get used to the idea that mom would breastfeed and I would bottle-feed, also to support Delaram so Amaya wasn’t fully dependent only on her. You become so desperate when breastfeeding doesn’t work. We looked everywhere for any solution we could find and got what was recommended at best on the market, but the milk went so fast, it was not a natural flow at all. She regurgitated a lot, and we didn’t know whether she was still hungry or if she was eating enough. It was very stressful.
Delaram: We couldn’t find a good enough alternative to breastfeeding, not just for her, but also for me. None of the bottles we tried gave the intimacy we sought, so I felt I had to push through and fight to make it work.
I think that had we had this bottle earlier, where I could see that we could still give her intimacy, then I think it would have been an easier option for us to stop the struggles and give her the bottle instead.
Q: So…drumroll.. you tried the caramma support bottle as one of the first families in the world. What was your experience?
Tim: There is no doubt that if we had had that bottle from the beginning, we would have been inclined to stop pushing through with the painful breastfeeding month after month.
What I experienced with caramma support bottle was totally unique. It gives a different experience of intimacy and connection. I can take my shirt off and be close to her, skin against skin. It doesn’t flow as quickly as all the other bottles we have tried. The tip appears like a nipple, so Amaya took it easily and we both felt really comfortable and intimate.
Q: Caramma support bottle is the first in the world that can be given in all natural breastfeeding positions. Since you are the bottle responsible Tim, which ones did you try?
Tim: Delaram breastfeeds lying down on the side, so I chose to do the same with the caramma support bottle, and it worked. She just took it as if it were a breast.
Q: That’s kind of a revolution - a man lying down on his side with a baby on his chest giving the bottle - How was it for you, as a man, to lie with her like that? You don't find many images showing a father like that (yet:)...
Tim: It felt weirdly natural. I didn't think much about it, even though I had never tried that before or seen anyone else do it.
Tim: I think that all dads want to give their babies the best, and if that is how they prefer to eat, then that will feel right. And its really nice to be close together, why would anyone mind that? And when you are struggling with food and a baby, you will do anything to find a solution that works. That itself feels very natural.
Q: What advice do you wish to pass on?
Delaram: Breastfeeding preparation. I tell all my friends who are pregnant to take a course on breastfeeding, and they all reply the same—can you do that? Do you need that? But just do it anyway. I think that if I would have known a little bit more about it, I would have felt better through all the challenges we went through.
I was so surprised to learn that more than 50% of women struggle to breastfeed—it was really a relief to find out that it wasn’t just me. It is a huge challenge for so many mothers. In addition to being hormonal and just having given birth, breastfeeding is very vulnerable and connected to so many more things than just giving food. Educating yourself on all of that can really make an emotional difference. And: Have a number saved to a breastfeeding counsellor, because when you are in the middle of the struggles, you don't necessarily have the oversight to think straight. And call.
Tim: I think this bottle is such an upgrade. No doubt that if we have another child, we will use this bottle. I have already recommended the caramma support bottle to my friends who are struggling, even though it’s not on the market yet.